My Scary Halloween Costume Ideas

Everyone wears masks and pretends to be something they're not...and then there's Halloween.

Aside from deciding which houses to egg and what candy bars contain the fewest razor blades per serving, the toughest decision one faces this time of year is coming up with the best idea for the perfect Halloween costume.

Some costume ideas can be very inexpensive and simple.

How about going as a Facebook Addict? All that is required is a homemade strait jacket and pajama bottoms, a "bed head" hair-do and some gaunt eye make-up. Then just keep shivering violently and rambling on about, "One more status update man. Come on man, just one more." or "Gotta play one more Farkle tourney man." or "Twitter is the antichrist!"

Or there's the "Going Green" costume...just recycle portions of various costumes of Halloween's past to keep your costume's carbon footprint within tolerance levels. And if you're not of a green mind, no worries. This can also be called "A Salvation Army Halloween".

Then there's the costumes for those of you blessed (or cursed, depending on your perspective) with deeper pockets.

This great costume idea starts with a trip to your local high-end costume store or sci-fi convention. From there you will pick out the finest Star Wars, Star Trek, or Harry Potter costume you can find. Details are important here. Be it Jedi Knight with full cloth robe, long hair extensions, and authentic light saber prop; Klingon Commander with rubber cemented latex forehead ridges, replica Bat'leth, and metal warrior armor from eBay; or full-blown wizard ensemble complete with Hogwarts school uniform, horn-rim glasses and magic wand, spare no expense here folks!

Then all you need to do is start quoting the movie lines ad nauseum and acting out all the key scenes in front of the Halloween party's most attractive hotties and cuties and BINGO (or as the Klingons would say KAPLA!)...you are officially The 40-Year-Old Virgin! (Not that I would know anything about...that...because...I'm only 36! Yeah, that's it!)

Now while I do not at all subscribe to the idea of promoting stereotypes, I do think when thoughtfully and properly presented in the genre of a Halloween costume I believe some of these can be quite effective. (And to those masquerading as the P.C. Police who might be reading this, please know these are, of course, meant in good fun with tongue firmly planted in cheek).

For example, why not dress as White Mr. T? All you need is a tank top, lots of gold chains, and shave those blonde locks into a "fro-hawk". (Then just keep calling people "Fool" in your best whiny white kid voice.) In the same vein, why not go as a Black Mr. Rogers? A quick trip to JCPenney to fetch a sweater, pinpoint oxford shirt, and slacks and you're good to go. (If you want to "smoove" it up you can add some dark sunglasses, a Jay-Z style long chain and cross worn over the sweater, and some Fubu sneakers instead of his trademark slippers.) You can even be a White Michael Jackson...no wait...a Black Michael Jackson...ummm...

You can certainly mix the stereotypes to produce some interesting costuming options. How about going as a Black Mafia Boss or perhaps a White Latin King member or even a Hispanic Old Jewish Couple? (Remember, all in jest people.)

Okay, then how about bucking some Halloween stereotypes? Anyone can go as a ghost or a werewolf or a fairy princess.

If you want to stand out though, why not go as Diabetic Dracula? Standard Dracula costume with a pillow in the pants for some obesity and some props including a vile of insulin or a glucose monitor. When trick-or-treating just be really irritable until you get some candy and say, "I want to suck your blood sugar."

How about Neurotic Frankenstein. Again, standard Frankenstein costume is all that is required. Then instead of grunting incoherently you can keep complaining about the bolts in your neck giving you a rash and worrying about the other women at the party thinking your jacket makes you look fat and pretentious.

Then there's Feminist Witch. Drag the old witch costume out of the basement. Just add a black t-shirt with the quote, "Wolfmen, their rights and nothing more; witches, their rights and nothing less". DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT BRINGING A BROOM WITH YOU! Instead bring a protestor's sign with Gloria Steinem's photo on it and keep chanting in full throat, "History is herstory too!"

Of course, there are many unique and obscure Halloween costume ideas you can experiment with as well.

With some various creative touches you could go as a:

* Foreclosed Home - Just don't bring a Trick or Treat basket with you or the bank will try to seize that as an asset.

* Swine Flu Vaccine - You'll be the life of your Halloween party as everyone will want to get a piece of you (hopefully you won't be offended if people start "snorting" the top of your head with their noses), but then you have to keep "running out"...of the room.

* White House Stimulus Jobs Report - Very simple costume to put together: bull's horns for your head and a quick trip to Home Depot's garden department to cover yourself in a bag of manure.

* Balloon Boy & His Dad - Just dress in a standard orange prison jump suit and handcuffs and instead of saying "Trick or Treat" you'll be pitching reality show ideas. The good thing is if you don't have a child to play Balloon Boy that's okay. You just tell people he's hiding in the attic...I mean missing.

* Health Care Reform Bill - Just tape lots of papers to your body with numerous addendums, riders and corrections on them. Try to find the houses in your area that are not giving out treats to Trick-or-Treaters. When you ring their doorbells, tell them it is required for them to carry some form of candy on Halloween or their family can be fined up to $1,500 by the government. (After all, there is an affordale, government run public candy option available to them.)

And what am I going as this Halloween you may ask? I can't decide between a cross-dressing, headless Jon Goselin or a robotic cowboy Obama Zombie. And no, don't ask me to explain the costumes.