A Warm Fuzzy Ball of Perspective

With "shopping days" dwindling to mere "shopping hours" and complex decisions over which chain restaurant's gift card will best define my gift-giving thoughtfulness, sometimes it really is the simple things that make the holidays shine in your heart.

Take today for example. I don't have too many holiday traditions but one I continue to nurture is my annual trip to my local pet shelter. I always bring canned food for the dogs, bags of cat litter for the cats and treats for all the animals. One of the nice things about this shelter is they let most of the cats roam free in the "Kitty Room" so potential adoptive parents can experience their personalities out in the open as opposed to "behind bars".

As I made my way around the room petting and talking to some of the free-range felines, I happened upon a big black tub-o-kitty named Sheba sleeping on one of the cat bunks. At first she was kind of disinterested but eventually I could tell she liked the attention I was giving her - scratching her neck and all. After some additional kitty conversation with her and some more petting, I was going to move on to see some of the other residents...but Sheba wasn't having any of that. She jumped off her throne and followed me around the room weaving in and out of my legs until I just about fell on my face. We played with one of the toys I brought for awhile and eventually I just sat on the ground with her and without hesitation Sheba crawled up on my lap, curled herself into a ball and purred with contentment. She even brought her paws to my face and gave me a kitty kiss on my forehead. It was a connection I had not made with anyone (human or otherwise) since I first adopted my best friend Pook nearly 15 years ago.

About an hour into my visit after I had paid my respects to all the cats, gave Sheba a goodbye stroke behind her ears and walked out of the Kitty Room feeling good after a really fun visit. As I was about to leave, I asked one of the attendants about Sheba's story. She proceeded to tell me that she had been adopted three times in the last year and each time was returned within a couple months with reasons that included "my owner wanted a different color cat" or "my family didn't want me anymore".

I'm sorry...I'm actually pausing writing for a second here because it's a little overwhelming to hear that and I cannot stop crying when I think about it.

This loving creature who had so much love and affection to give me, a complete and total stranger, was just discarded like a soiled diaper not once...but three times! And not for clawing up the couch, not for hissing at the family dog, not for making the kids allergic...not for anything that was her fault...she was abandoned just because she wasn't wanted or needed anymore.

I wiped the tears away, went back inside, found Sheba and played with her for another hour-and-a-half before they closed for the day.

And while I wish I could give you the storybook ending that I immediately adopted her and brought her home for the holidays, that's just not a feasible option for me at this time. However, I did make the shelter promise me they would keep me up to date on her adoption status and I will make it a point to visit her at least once every couple weeks until she does find a good home.

Sitting here thinking about that cat, the bond we forged in that brief time together, the kinship we share and the hardships from 2009 we can both relate to on a lot of levels, brings out a bevy of emotions in me but it also brings me perspective.

I've had a rough year. I get down on myself a lot for some of the failures I've had and some of the decisions I've made. There are days when I think my situation can't get any worse and then it does. There are days when I feel like I don't have a friend in the world. Then there are times I think deep down I must be a really bad person to deserve all this. No doubt, it has been rough on me.

Then I look at Sheba. Think about her self-esteem after being rejected by three different families. Her situation couldn't possibly get any worse after the first two rejections, could it? Incredibly, yes, it did! Think about what she must be feeling about all that: "Boy, I must be a really awful cat for someone to return me three separate times!" I at least have some control over my situation. She has no control over it! She's just an innocent animal. It's heart-breaking and frankly it's eye-opening to me as well.

Yes, I've had a rough year but my experience with Sheba made me realize I'm pretty lucky too. I have a home. I have a job...it doesn't pay well and it's not ultimately what I want to do for a living but it is a job. I may not have a ton of friends but I'm grateful for the few I have whose love and support I appreciate. I'm not a bad person and this "rough patch" I'm in right now is not all my fault and will eventually get better.

I guess the moral of the story I'm trying to impart here is things are not always as bad as they seem and could be a lot worse.

And if you have the opportunity to make a difference in some one's (or some thing's) life who might be worse off than you, avail yourself of that opportunity. Those small connections you make will brighten your situation and theirs.

I hope it did with my new friend Sheba and I know it did with me.

Merry Christmas and Happy 2010 everybody!

Rollin' Out the Red Carpet

Okay YouTube, you just made "the list".

Since there seems to be some issues with YouTube's ability to digest the audio from the much anticipated "Jason Pawlowski's I-57 Adventure 2", I am now forced to hold the gala red carpet premiere on my blog site. That's okay...I prefer small, intimate gatherings over large crowds anyway.

If I can figure out how to get this flick surfing on the "Tube", I'll let everyone know.

For now...our Feature Presentation: