The Price You Pay For Love

There are a lot of things in this world I don't like. I'm not a fan of pork or rap music. I don't care for horror movies and hypocrites. I hate needles and I am petrified of hospitals. But one of the things I despise most is pain. Whether its the pain of a paper cut on my finger or the pain of a bad toothache, I don't do well with pain.

For the record, 2010 has been one of the best years of my life with an incredibly rewarding and fulfilling new job complete with an amazing boss and great co-workers and colleagues, a Blackhawks Stanley Cup, and scores of wonderful new friends in the Elgin community. However, one of the most poignant things I will take away from this past year is the incredible sense of loss I've experienced - especially within the last half of this year.

In August, liver cancer claimed my former boss, who was a mentor and just like a second father to me. A week later I suffered the biggest heartbreak of my life. I lost my baby Pook, who not only was my best friend in the whole world and my most successful long-term relationship at 15 years - he was my child. That one-two punch of the pain I felt is impossible to describe and tough to relive.

Three months later I find myself experiencing the pain of loss yet again, but in a very unexpected way.

On Monday, my work colleague Patricia Keeney passed away from complications from Multiple Myeloma cancer.

Now I didn't know Pat that well on a personal level. In fact, I've really only known her through my work with the DNA for the past 9 months. I served on several committees with her, occasionally finding myself attempting to "reign her in" to get meetings back on point when she would go off on one of her "Pat"-ented tangents or firery soliloquys - and ultimately failing miserably in the attempt. :)

But that's also when I knew that I really liked Pat - not just because of her fiesty, straightforward, tell-it-like-it-is attitude and strong, passionate opinions but because in her heart she genuinely cared about how things affected downtown and she just loved to talk about it.

One night in late October after Pat had taken ill, I was working late at the office one night when I got a phone call with a familiar sounding voice on the other end. It was Pat calling in from her hospital bed. Although she sounded a bit weak she was still the same ol' Keeney. Of course, she wasn't calling to update us on her condition or anything like that. No, Pat wanted to talk business - specifically Window Wonderland business - so I gave her the lowdown on where we were with everything and what details we had finalized. I still remember telling her we had booked a horse and carriage for the event and her response was, "Far out man," which was followed by one of those priceless throaty Hahahahahahahahahaha's.

I was proud to call Pat my friend, in that we talked a lot and shared some laughs and good times, but to say I really knew her well (at least as well as some other Elgin-lifers did) would probably not be accurate.

Yet when the news came down on Monday night that she had passed, I cried. I cried a lot!

Granted this from a man (or should I say 37-year-old boy) who once cried just after an episode of The Simpsons and still can't keep from sobbing uncontrollably during any playing of the Jurassic Park theme but why now? Yes, I was sad over the loss of a friend and a colleague and a great woman but why this strong of an impact on me? Why was I feeling this much pain?

I received my answer tonight.

Just after 6pm, what seemed like the entire community packed into Keeney's Sporting Goods for a simple, impromptu "closing ceremony" for the store which was closing its doors for good. Person-after-person regailed the assembled crowd with stories and memories of Pat and as I listened to each trembling voice choking back tears of emotion, things just suddenly stopped for me.

I looked around this tiny little store at the tear-soaked faces and saw one common denominator: love. Love for a woman who meant so much to their community and as much to them as any family member - because that's what all of these people in downtown Elgin are to each other...they're family. Then it hit me. The price of love is grief and the remedy is sharing that grief with family, be they blood relation or something deeper.

From day one of my job, despite my living in Streamwood for most of my adult life, every person I have encountered in my job without fail has not only treated me like a part of the Elgin community but have often made me feel like family.

And that's not just true for me. That's for everyone!

Between everyone working 8-12 hours a day, 5-6 days a week here and then volunteering what leftover freetime you have into making downtown a better place, you end up spending more time with each other than you do your own families - thus making our downtown a family onto itself.

This is my family now too.

Yes, the pain I was feeling was my own pain of losing Pat but moreover it was sharing the pain of loss felt by members of my downtown family. People like Karin and Gentry Jones, Karen Haseman, Victor Gonzalez, Jerri McCue, Armida and Joe Dominguez, Laurie Faith Gibson-Aiello, Jennifer Almanza, and many others who were so close with her and thus shouldered so much of the burden during Pat's time of need.

These are family members to me and my heart is broken for all of them. Their tears and pain are my tears and pain TEN-FOLD and believe me I am feeling it now - and probably will even more so in the next two days. Did I mention I really don't do well with funerals either?

If there is a positive to be derived from all of this its that through this amazing person, Patricia Keeney, downtown became an even closer knit family.

Ironically I sit here blogging away while watching "Family", one of my all-time favorite episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and I'm sure I will, as usual, finish the episode with tears in my eyes because that's what I usually do. And try as I might, I'm sure I will be a wreck during my friend Patricia Keeney's funeral too.

But that's okay. I'll be with family - my downtown family.

* * * * * * * *

Oh, one last thing...speaking of tears.

Harkening back to my pageant days, one of the more rewarding duties I was able to perform for my pageant titleholders was the honor of putting together their Farewell Videos. Though a fairly trivial part of the actual pageant, it was vitally important that the videos be perfect, as it was my way of showing my love and respect for the new friend I had gained for that year of their service.

It was always a very emotional effort for me to put the videos together for the girls and a dozen times more difficult for me to make it through watching any of them without crying a river of tears.

So...in honor of the title bestowed upon her recently by one of her downtown colleagues and another of my downtown family members, Ray Maxwell, I give you my farewell video for Patricia Keeney - The Queen of Downtown Elgin.

I'll try not to cry...yeah, that ain't happenin'.

Click here to see "Patricia Keeney - In Memoriam"